My home in the Americas

Having caught up with my favourite Canadian, I've got a web-quiz based post to share with you all. Brace yourself.

If I was to live in the United States, where should I go? Where indeed?

The truth is that I've done this quiz before, but in those pre-blog days I simply lost the results. I suppose the immutable record I'm about to produce is a fringe benefit of typing all this hot air.

Annoyingly, they make you tell them your name and such before they'll give you your scientifically determined Eden. Since all the results are in the US, only American addresses are catered for. Therefore I don't feel bad about lying to them. Do I, Geoffrey Cox?

1. Eugene, Oregon The Emerald City

I always thought this place was somewhere in Oz. It does look like my kind of shakin' scene though.

2. Corvallis, Oregon Heart of the Williamette valley

Hey, I remember that from Oregon trail! Anyone?

3. Hartford, Connecticut The Insurance Capital

The Insurance Capital, hey? Man, they know how to sell themselves in Hartford, Connecticut. It's my first pick in "Old America" though, so I'm happy with it.

4. Providence, Rhode Island New England's Best Kept Secret

I've always liked Rhode Island. It seems almost European. Incidentally, did you know the full name of the state is Rhode Island and Providence Plantations? Most of the state is not on the island. True story. Anyway, this is actually, my favourite so far- it's also by far the largest in the list so far.

5. New Haven, Connecticut Home of Yale University

I can never remember, is it Harvard or Yale that's the evil twin?

6. Worcester, Massachusetts The Heart of the Commonwealth

To me, as to all citizens under the protection of her Brittanic Majesty, the Commonwealth means the unquiet ghost of Queen Victoria. The only thing that really grabs me about this region is the possibility that I would meet Jeph Jacques and we'd become best friends forever.

7. Postland, Oregon City of Roses

A clean, fresh city next to a mountain and filled with flowers. Also, it rains all the time. Sounds like my kind of place!

8. Salem, Oregon The Heart of Oregon

Clearly, I'm an Oregonian who just had the misfortune to be born on the wrong continent.

9. Danbury, Connecticut Small-Town Charm Near the Big Apple

I've always understood "small-town charm" in an American context to mean anything from people on verandahs spreading malicious gossip through to lynchings. This is in Old America though, so maybe it's just Somewhere, America. Oh wait, Scrabble was invented here.

10. Boston, Massachusetts America’s Walking City

Hey, a big city! Oh, calm down, Portland. I still love you. Exactly what makes it "the walking city", I don't know. Perhaps they mean that the city actually has pavements. I hear that Sidewalks are no longer ubiquitous, since it's assumed that people will drive if they want to go next door. No, really. There really ought to have been an option on the survey: "I enjoy the smell of nitrous contaminants and carbon particulates: strongly disagree." It could rule out Los Angeles.

There were also a few suprises further down the list. For example:

12. Little Rock, Arkansas Where America Comes Together

This was the first suggestion the good folks gave me that lies in a Red State. Next!

19. Sheboygan, Wisconsin Wisconsin's jewel on the lake

Wisconsin.... um. Cheese? Beer, I guess? Still, at least it's in Realitania.

there's no other way