5-a-day

I have just enjoyed a delicious apple. On the side of the bag it says "The healthy way to 5-a-day". (I feel slightly cheated about his because they always make the '5' very large, as if to imply you're going to get five apples. Lies, all lies.) This is, of course, in reference to that famous bit of research or whatever that concluded the old aphorism "An apple a day keep the doctor away" was inaccurate: In fact you need five apples a day to prevent leprosy or scurvy or International Communism etc. What that slogan makes me wonder, though, is what exactly is an unhealthy way to take five pieces of fruit in a day?

Speed-eating limes.
Apple Shnapps
Leaping off a tall tower block into a tank of loganberries.
That Monty Python sketch... you know, with the self-defence classes.
Snorting a line of pear puree´.
Mainlining tomato juice in an abandoned warehouse.
Having pineapples fired at you from a cannon and catching them in your teeth.

The mind boggles.

Just last week I was merely heck