I only speak two languages: English and bad English

Bon matin, mes amis. Aujord'hui je suis content de soi. C'est probablment as tiring to read this as c'est to write il, donc je vais stop maintenant.

Right. Today I'm quite heureux because I've finally managed to get me some railpass.

I somehow came to the conclusion that what I needed was a EuroDomino five-day pass for France at Youth rates. How hard can that be?

So began the first round of Googling. Link number one took me to a company that offered to sell me the goods if I rang a number. Now, I personally have an intense dislike of dealing with people over the phone, so I tried Link Two. And here, hurrah, I could buy online. Then again, the website had a certain home-made look to it. Reasoning that this was the equivalent of buying from a man holding a piece of cardboard with "Train Tickits" written on it, I went on to Link Three.

Links Three to Seven were pages saying things like "The Eurodomino can be bought through our agents, Link One". Running out of patience, I went back to Link Two.

Type in Name, Billing Adress, Shipping Adress, Debit Card Number, expiry date, Passport Number, issue date, number of days required, destination country, date of birth and date of departure. Submit.

HTTP 500 error. Damn.

And so it was that I sat listening to the phone ring. Maybe it was teatime at the call centre, or maybe five hundred people were calling to complain about HTTP 500 errors. Either way, it rang for a long time. I was staring blankly as my mind gamboled on sunny uplands by the time a voice came on the line and said "You've reached Link Two". They sounded annoyed, though whether that was because she'd spent all day listening to HTTP 500 errors, or because she'd had her teatime disturbed, I don't know. The proffessional advice I got then was "Tryagain". Try again? Yes, wait until six for our meagre dialup to wake up, and try again.

Type in Name, date of birth, Debit Card Number, expiry date, Billing Adress, Shipping Adress, Passport Number, issue date, destination country, number of days required, and date of departure. Submit.

HTTP 500 error. Damn.

I'm not going through that phone ordeal again. I'll just wait a few days, and if it doesn't turn up, assume I haven't bought it. But before Friday arrives, I make a wonderul discovery. I googled for "EuroDomino", but a number of companies can't be having with such a slack approach to capitalisation and call it a "Euro (space) Domino".

So on to what I'll call Link Eight.

Type in Name, Billing Adress, Shipping Adress, Debit Card Number, expiry date, Passport Number, number of days required, destination country, date of birth and date of departure. Submit.

We are processing your credit card details. Please wait for the next screen to appear.

Microsoft OLE generated errors. Check KLD values if available.

Damn.

This phone call, though, was a lot more productive. True, the operator sounded like she had a real hangover...
"£84, is that right?
No, I don't think so...
Oh, I was looking at Finland. Sorry.
...
So that's you done. Oh wait, hold on, when did you want to leave?"

...and true, I did listen to a few minutes of what sounded like a member of the Magic Roundabout who had taken up playing thoughtful classical music on an electric megeadeath harpsichord, but in the end I managed to get myself some railpass.

Natan Eel, Il Va a France.

Song in my head: "This Is The End" by uh, gah, The Doors?